Unread post
by arsanga » Fri Aug 13, 2010 4:55 pm
Ok first, I apologize, this is gonna be kind of a long post >.>
My fiance lives in England, and I'm in the US. We've been close friends for 7 years, dating long-distance for 4 years, and engaged for a year and a half. At the start of our relationship, he seemed scared to get close to me (we began dating online before we met in person, so at the time, I thought his fears were justifiable). From what I saw in those early years, he has real difficulty relying on anyone else for anything -- I think it scares him to depend on another person.
But for the last 2 years, things had been great. He was comfortable with our relationship, didn't seem scared of loving or trusting me anymore, he was attentive and loving and romantic, etc. We applied for his visa to move to the US to be with me (it should go through sometime this fall, if it's on schedule), and planned our wedding for this October.
Then 2 months ago, shortly after starting a new job in the UK, he shut down emotionally. He stopped saying "I love you," always sounded gruff when I called him and eager to hang up. When I finally cornered him and asked what was going on, he confessed that he was having doubts. I flew over a couple of weeks ago to visit and talk things over. He is scared of not being able to find work in the US that's as good as his current job, which I understand, but he's also said that he's worried he'll move here, things won't work out between us in person long-term (even though we've lived together for 2 months at a time just fine), and he won't be able to afford to move home again. I suspect that the root of the problem is that he's scared to depend on me emotionally, physically, and monetarily.
He asked me to post-pone our October wedding, although he said he doesn't want to break off the engagement, but I am worried he is stalling for time, and will just delay more and more until he finally chickens out. I want him to overcome his fears and reservations and give us the shot we deserve, in person, after all of this time, but I'm not sure what spell or rootwork to use to do that.
I've done a few readings on the situation myself (though I'm not exactly an expert) and they all seem to corroborate that he is afraid and going through a journey at the moment, where he will either need to change, or fall apart. I don't know if there is some way to help strengthen him and be sure he chooses the right path and doesn't fall apart? And perhaps to speed up his decision process?
I'm also limited in what I can do since, now that I am back in the US an ocean away, I only have some of his old clothes to work with...
Any help or advice is really appreciated, and sorry this explanation was so long-winded. I am new to rootworking, and I don't want to make the situation worse by trying the wrong thing...