Thanks for the welcome, and thank you so much for your thoughtful reply.
catherineyronwode wrote:Hello, karmadharma, and welcome to the Lucky Mojo forum!
In my opinion, speaking only in terms of legal and practical matters, since you have no marriage contract and no paperwork of any kind with this man, you have no "agreement" with him and he has no obligation to support you financially. You will have to get a job and go to work or fins another sugar daddy.
We never married, but we do have our agreement in writing, in emails and online chats. And I did have a career. He had me leave my company because he didn't want me working in my industry. I was afraid to be unemployed, but I was also terrified of his tantrums. He's a big guy. He said he would look after me, as he said he is an "alpha male" and it was his job to do the earning and providing, and that I need to let him do his job. However incomprehensible his thinking was to me, I thought it was coming from a place of care for me, so I chalked it up to him being an aspie and bpd if his self-diagnoses were accurate. And I believe that it takes teamwork in a relationship. So if I can do something for our relationship then it's my responsibility to give it a decent shot. So I tried it his way. But he left me high and dry many times, running up expenses that I cannot meet with my life savings, and even now I am struggling to get my career back on track and support myself. I'm going on job interviews, building up my resume and networking skills, and reaching out to make new professional connections. But even now it's hard to find a job. Even harder when the only money I have for job search expenses and basic needs like lunch is the money coming from him.
catherineyronwode wrote:However, let's look at the magical side of the equation:
1) You are not in focus. He cheated, you have broken up with him, you have cursed him, you have a lot of anger (evidenced by telling us all about his personality disorders), and then you want to try either a pay me spell or a honey jar. In my opinion, since you say you have already cursed him, it is a little late to try a honey jar
I should have worded my post better. I haven't cursed him yet, though I would have loved to curse him and wash my hands of him. Unless I cursed him by simply being angry with him and thinking angry thoughts about him? Hopefully I haven't accidentally cursed him by doing so. Otherwise, I haven't cursed him yet. Maybe it's not too late for a honey jar?
I endured a lot in the year leading up to me breaking up with him. He had mood swings and violent tantrums that had me constantly living on eggshells. He had this oversensitivity to power and control where he must have absolute dominance, over me as well as friends and colleagues, and something as innocuous as a question was perceived to be an attempt on his dominance. He never tried to meet me halfway, while I had to conform to his lifestyle and needs. But I could not ask him what he wanted, meaning I also had to anticipate his lifestyle choices and needs. Or else the violent tantrums. He would throw things at the drop of a hat, destroy things, yell hurtful things and derogatory names, sometimes even waking me at 2 in the morning or later if the mood struck. He terrorized me but never hit me, for the wrong reason: "Bruises can alert the police. I'm the guy, I could go to jail. Anything else doesn't count."
When he wasn't disrupting my peace, he was neglecting me. No talking, no touching, no affection. When he wasn't disrupting my peace or neglecting me, he was pushing me to have sex, on pain of tantrums. When he was talking to me, he would say some of the most sexist, racist, ageist things, usually generalizations he constructed and targeted at me and my kind. And when I would speak up against this, the tantrums again.
Did I mention that I wasn't permitted to make my own life decisions? Where I worked, in what industry, where I resided, what I did with my free time, what times and days I would have sex... the list goes on. He said I was not in the position to choose for myself, and he knew what was best for me.
Needless to say, he was critical and wary of the people I keep in my life. Mainly, he said they were only interested in controlling me or taking advantage of me. He kept trying to poison me against everyone. I've had to keep friends and him quite separate, but doing so left me isolated, lonely, dependent, embarrassed and resentful of him.
Through all this I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt, chalking it up to his Aspergers and bpd, his eccentricities. I was sure that if I was patient, if I tried to accomodate his special needs, it could work out. I wanted to exercise compassion, self-sacrifice and love. But I was terrified, marginalized, and demoralized for over a year. I'm incredibly embarrassed to even admit I put up with all this. Finding irrefutable proof of him cheating was only the final straw.
I'm trying to keep this short for everyone, but what I'm trying to illustrate is, I believe my anger is justified. He said he loved me, promised me he'd look after me, demanded that I submit completely to him. He made me a lot of promises. In return he took my life from me, and left me holding the bill and doing the cleanup. Over and over.
Now I'm trying to move on but even now, while he breaks his promise, I can't move forward. I want him to give me what he promised. No more or less. And then have him suffer what I've suffered.
catherineyronwode wrote: 2) You say that you have "dabbled in voodoo" -- which indicates to me that you are not sure what this forum is about. Voodoo is a religion. It has priests and congregants, a pantheon, a cosmology, and a liturgical order of service. It is not a form of magic. Hoodoo, also known as conjure is a form of African American folk magic. This forum is about African American folk magic.
I dabbled in a little Louisiana Voodoo, in that on two separate occasions, I bought spell kits from a New Orleans voodoo practitioner. The kits used candles, mojo bags, oils, herbs, baths, saints and Bible passages much like what I saw in the Lucky Mojo store and spells archives. But I did a little more research into hoodoo and LA voodoo, and see now they are different. I was confused by similarities I saw, and I apologize for my ignorance. That said, I'm still interested in giving hoodoo a try.
catherineyronwode wrote: 3) You say you have had "bad luck with spells" in the past. You describe work that became affixed to you rather than to the target. This does no mean you will never succeed with magic, but it is a caution light -- perhaps you should start the practice of magic when you are in a non-crisis mode, with smaller and simpler desires.
I have in the past resorted to spells only when the situation was dire, so this might be true. I thought my problem was that I just didn't have the skills. Would it be better if I had an expert conjurer do it for me?
catherineyronwode wrote:4) Your links to him are extremely weak, and you were the one who left him, so you could have prepared by controlling him when you had him, bu he was "horrible" and now you have no traction in the situation. In my opinion, spells can be done "from halfway around the planet" and can succeed, but what you are asking will not succeed with any degree of certainty because you never put the whammy on him in the first place and now you want a quick-fix spell to re-capture his money when that is what you should have done from in front.
I suggest a cut and clear spell. Move on. There are always other men to link up with.
I just couldn't stay another day with him as long he was still going to go forward with his plan to have sex with another girl the night after I found out about it. He said it was okay for him to have other sex partners and that this wasn't my call. I had enough.
I intend to move on with a fresh slate after I get myself out of this hole. And I intend on finding someone special. I just can't seem to be open and ready for new experiences until I've been able to square this mess away with this ex once and for all. It may look like I'm dwelling on a lost cause, and I'm truly sorry about this. But I just can't leave this mess unresolved, lingering, making a mess for me or anyone else in my life.
I found something else of his that he left behind - his house keys. Can it be used as a link?