Graveyard, Ancestors, Mediumship, Dying, Death, The Dead

SeleneAnna · Unread post by **SeleneAnna** » Fri Jun 15, 2012 1:23 pm

Thank you so much for your help! I like the idea of planting flowers. Especially on graves that look neglected. I'm sure they would like the company. I will keep all of this in mind as I begin this work. x

Unread post by **Doctor Hob** » Fri Jun 15, 2012 3:09 pm

--nana664

I'm not a natural medium. Communicating with the dead is a skill I'm learning, but not having it didn't change how I worked with them. Even if we're deaf as a post to them, they can tickle us here. I've gotten smells when spirits tell me what they want, and feelings of warmth when they agree to work with me. I've also gotten severe chills in a Summer-hot Tennessee cemetery when one refused my request. I'm learning to listen, but, if you pay attention, they'll talk whether you're listening or not.

Unread post by **Joseph Magnuson** » Sat Jun 16, 2012 1:10 pm

SeleneAnna: I suggest spending some time in graveyards just cleaning stones or going for walks. The information will come to you and you will get much more comfortable. If you don't, then perhaps you are not ready to do graveyard work. You can always have someone else (a capable worker) bury items for you. I understand it is much more personal if you do it, but I would rather see the spell completed properly than poorly with haste. I say take it slow and let the spirits come to you. I wish you luck in this work.

SeleneAnna · Unread post by **SeleneAnna** » Sat Jun 16, 2012 1:49 pm

Thank you! I appreciate your input! It's nothing that I will rush into. I go often to speak to my relatives. I'll start small and work my way up.

Unread post by **Joseph Magnuson** » Sun Jun 17, 2012 11:25 am

That is great to hear! I was not trying to be discouraging to you and often see people who would be GREAT at Graveyard Work, but are a bit apprehensive of starting fully. Best of luck to you!

LaSirena · Unread post by **LaSirena** » Tue Jun 26, 2012 6:51 am

Hi,

I need clarification about burying a mirror box, vinegar bottle, and break up bottle at the graveyard. Do I seek the grave of a police officer or soldier or can I bury it at the site of a deceased family member such as my grandmother or cousin? Thank you!

Unread post by **ProfessorAmes** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 6:54 am

Turn to the person who is best suited for the work. If the mirror box is being used to help protect a family member or yourself, then a deceased family member is more likely to be motivated to do the work and might work harder. I would use a soldier or police officer if the person being put in the mirror box is breaking the law, but getting away with it, or if this is for a non-family member. You are going to be "paying" them to do the work and that's what a soldier and police officer does.

Otherwise, I don't know of a reason why you *couldn't* use a family member for it. My personal take is that I would reserve family members for doing work related to the family since that's what they are most interested in and care about.

Hope that helps a bit.

-Ames
#1694G

Unread post by **Joseph Magnuson** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 5:48 pm

I usually choose graveyard work sites in the following manner:

First Choice: Family Member, Loved One
Second Choice: Person who, in life, is the best choice for the job at hand; Police Man, Reverend, Soldier in the Army, etc
Third Choice: Spirit Provided Guidance towards the "willing-to-help" grave

Unread post by **Miss Tammie Lee** » Fri Jul 27, 2012 6:38 pm

I have a question. I have been working with Hoyt's and Florida Water for a a while. I have my "glass bottles of Hoyt's" from Lucky Mojo that will never be worked with. I'd buy up every single bottle, if I could for preservation.

Anyway, I have a question. Yes, I do.

I know what these two are worked for.I work with them. I have had the strangest comments over the last nine months. I have had two separate gentlemen that have lost their train of thought, after I cleansed a space at a "work place". Both of these men are well adjusted, thay just litterally forgot their train of thought.

It just "wipes it out". It could be other "work" I was doing at the time.

I know what it does and what they both do. I have had two very nice professional gentlemen tell me that "I can't remember what I was going to say". (and then they collect themselves).

This might be a "no brainer". I am-- and have been working with some heavy duty-- follow up that has worked!

Could be my "check in", but I really think it is the Hoyt's.

Thank you!

theusurper · Unread post by **theusurper** » Sat Jul 28, 2012 12:07 pm

I would like that ConjureMan and Starinthesky7 read this post and give me your opinion. My grandmother grew and raised in the Methodist Church but she had a great faith in Saint Martha, i remember when i was 13 years old she told me if one day i needed help ask to Saint Martha since that time i'm a devotee of Saint Martha, right now i'm in the situation that i need her help and this morning while i prayed to her my grandmother came to my mind and this idea too but i'm not sure is this right, this is my idea put my grandmother picture in the same altar of Saint Martha but the only picture i have i'm in that picture when i was 3 years old, just my grandmother and me,so i don't know if this is a good idea. I want to honor my grandmother because i learned about Saint Martha trought her(my grandmother) what can i do, i think my grandmother came to me this morning with that idea, what you think guys? Please help me. Thank you

Unread post by **Laila** » Sat Jul 28, 2012 7:23 pm

theusurper, I don't know enough to give advice about your picture, but just in case you don't know, tomorrow (July 29) is Saint Martha's feast day. If you wanted to make a gesture for your grandmother and Saint Martha, tomorrow would be a good day to do it.

Unread post by **Miss Tammie Lee** » Sat Jul 28, 2012 7:56 pm

Great advice Laila for Theusurper a fav of mine in the forum... who should not be limiting the advice to two individuals and especially excluding Miss Cat! Still love love Theusurper.

There have been three members of AIRR, several grads and some great folks from our conjure community that logged onto this thread over the last 24 hours.

Sometimes, we all have questions y'all. We can always learn something from our fellow friends at Lucky Mojo. Just sayin'.

If we think we know it all, we are wrong; we can always learn something new.

Be Blessed!

Tammie Lee

theusurper · Unread post by **theusurper** » Sun Jul 29, 2012 3:59 am

I'm very sorry for my comment but i did it because all the time ,Conjure and Startsinthesky are talking about Saint Martha and of course i love this forum and many people from here, you don't have idea how much i learned from you people. one more time sorryyyyyyy i apologized to Ms Cat , too she know i love her and every 6 months i contact her because i trust her. Laila, thank you i think everything is positve, i found about the conecction with
my grandmother yesterday and today is Saint Martha festival. Thank you, guys

goldentouch97 · Unread post by **goldentouch97** » Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:17 am

i wan some help here, i have an ancestror altar i setup some month ago for my father, it's the only one i have on my altar cause we was very close me and him when he was alive. I take care of this altar one day each week, especially the sunday morning. Change the glass of water, the candle, offering of florida water and some prayers for my father.

Last sunday after i do this like usually i going to my house cause this altar is located in my father house cause nobody na stay in the house.

Then in the middle of the day i was on my bed for sleep and get a special dream. i saw in my dream the mother of my grandmother, i never saw her in my life, don't know nothing bout this woman, never heard about her.

Let me know which kind of dream that.

Unread post by **catherineyronwode** » Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:22 am

goldentouch97 --

You are correct, that was a special dream. Your continued respect for and honouring of your father's spirit has drawn in a powerful spirit, that of your great-grandmother. She is checking in on her child -- YOU.

I suggest that you make a small offering to her, asking her to guide you. Place on the altar anything relating to her that you can find out, but if nothing is known, then just use water, a candle, and some nice perfume like Florida Water.

You are blessed and fortunate. Many people are never granted a dream of a distance ancestor. She is watching out for you and wants to help.

Best of luck!

goldentouch97 · Unread post by **goldentouch97** » Wed Feb 13, 2013 1:12 pm

Thanks a lots Catherineyronwode,like i tell yu i don't know her,so i gonna ask my mother much infos about her soon,her name etc ... If i make an offering off candle and water etc for her,let me know if is a special for her or i need to use the same candle and water for her and my father.

Alex73 · Unread post by **Alex73** » Sat Mar 30, 2013 3:57 pm

I know I've asked this once before. I've gone through just about every post under graveyard dirt collection and haven't found the way to collect and pay for it properly. I read a way to do it (not in a thread, but what I thought was Cat's online book, but I guess I'm mistaken) The way I read involved making a triangle with three mercury dimes and collecting dirt ONLY from within the triangle area. It is my mom's grave. She didn't ask for any specific offering. I asked her to help protect my home. I am going to use railroad spikes and graveyard dirt. I want to make sure I do it right as I don't want to offend my mom. Thank you for any help you can give.
-Alex

Unread post by **Doctor Hob** » Sat Mar 30, 2013 8:19 pm

The methods by which graveyard dirt is collected and paid for are nearly as numerous as the workers who use it. I have a habit of driving the blade of a pocket knife into the grave, in three places, marking a triangle, and then placing dimes in each of the slits. I then dig in the center of this triangle. This is just my usual method. I have also placed dimes on the headstone, pressed them into the ground, at the base of the headstone, and dropped them into the hole, after I dig my dirt.

The most important thing is to pay for it. Some spirits are more specific, than others, but three dimes has always been a safe bet, for me.

I normally collect from over the heart, but have collected from other areas of the grave, for different purposes.

http://www.luckymojo.com/graveyarddirt.html

Rae · Unread post by **Rae** » Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:38 am

Hello everyone,
I understand it's vital to have an area and or altar to honor my ancestors. However my question is, how do I do this when I have almost no knowledge of any of my ancestors. My mom left my father when I was an infant and I haven't had any contact with my fathers family, and she is unwilling to speak of them.
She doesn't speak of her family and we never had any contact with them as well.
My adoptive father's parents were amazing Grandparents that treated me as no different than any other the other grandchildren. They passed away 6 months from each other 4 years ago.
Other than them, I have zero knowledge of any ancestors. I want to honor the people the gave me life, but I just don't know how to go about it. Any suggestions would be very appreciated.

I visit my grandparents often in the cemetery and decorate for the holidays for them. They are in urns in a small garden.
Thank you!

SanteroBrett · Unread post by **SanteroBrett** » Mon Apr 15, 2013 2:46 pm

We all have dead/Dead whom we don't know. Simply acknowledging 'the dead who walk with me' is a good way to start honouring them. All you need is a glass of water, candle, and your prayers.

spiritforlove · Unread post by **spiritforlove** » Thu May 09, 2013 5:04 pm

Hi, I am not sure where to start with this mess. My ex-husband drown back in 2006 from his own drunken stupidity, they never found his body. We had divorced five months prior to his death, he is the father of my four oldest children. He has made is presence known over the years, in big and small ways. But mostly he likes to make messes, play pranks, and stir up trouble between the kids. Recently he let the hamster out and we found it dead on the kitchen floor. He was horribly abusive to my children and I in every way. He broke my back, beat me and my boys, and tried to kill me. He stole every dime, drank heavily and did drugs, trashed the house, totaled a few cars, cheated, went to prison even, and that's the short list.

He would threaten suicide if I divorced him. I did everything I could to help him and save our marriage, but I had to divorce him to save our lives. He would never leave the house when told to when he was alive, I had to get a restraining order but even that did not work. Recently I was told in a reading that he is still around and causing me a lot of trouble; you would think he would want to help his family, but quite the opposite. After all my family has been through because of him and his family's insanity it is way past time to put this piece of garbage to rest.

I am planning to cleanse the house using sage and Chinese wash, and I have sprinkled peace water around. I have lit many protection and cast off evil candles.
Would a Cut and Clear candle help get him away from me forever, even though he is already dead?
Is it possible to use a Damnation candle on an earth bound spirit? I'd really like to send him to where he belongs.
Would that even be advisable considering he is my children's biological father? Could this hurt my children in any way?
How can I get him to finally leave us alone and in peace forever? We desperately need to put the past behind us and move on.

Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you.

Unread post by **Miss Tammie Lee** » Thu May 09, 2013 6:10 pm

I am going to post a link to AIRR, I recommend that you book a reading with Miss Cat, Conjureman Ali, or Dr. E, and this does not mean that any other member of AIRR can't help you.

I could count on one hand the amount of times that I have singled members of AIRR out.They are all wonderful in spirit and in my heart.

http://readersandrootworkers.org

Be Blessed!

Miss Tammie Lee

spiritforlove · Unread post by **spiritforlove** » Fri May 10, 2013 8:14 am

Thank you very much for your recommendations Miss Tammie Lee, I will schedule a reading asap.

Unread post by **Turnsteel** » Fri May 10, 2013 3:17 pm

Get something you can burn incense in, a fancy thurible or brazier like luckymojo sells or an old metal can you clean out well, something you can light some charcoal and burn incense resin in while walking it through the house. Line it with clean sand or dirt and set a charcoal to burning in it, sprinkle Camphor and Dragons Blood resin on it. Take this and walk thro every room in the house as you call on God and all the Angles to cast out and remove all tormenting spirits, spooks,haints, whatever you call the restless and mean dead.

Do this will all the windows open and after you wash the place down with Chinese Wash.

Now the thing is Dragons Blood and Camphor puts the boot to almost any spirit short of the really big ones, even the helpful ones, so after you open all the windows say a prayer that all good and helpful spirits take shelter either at your altar or Cross or other symbols that represents Holiness to you. Bad spirits won't be able to do so and will get cast out by the incense and prayers.

Once thats all done light three white candles. They can be taper candles, chime candles or crucifix candles. Dress one for Protection, one for Blessing and one in thanks to God.

That is what Spirit tells me you need to do.

spiritforlove · Unread post by **spiritforlove** » Sat May 11, 2013 6:50 am

Thank you Turnsteel, your advice is greatly appreciated. I have most of these supplies on hand now and will prepare to do this today.

spiritforlove · Unread post by **spiritforlove** » Sat May 11, 2013 11:48 am

Your blessings and kind thoughts are much appreciated, thank you jwmcclin.

Unread post by **Mama Micki** » Sat May 11, 2013 3:44 pm

Lucky Mojo sells Tibetan Ghost Purging incense. You might give it a try.

tibetan-ghost-purging-incense-powder-qu ... 136a031ec5

There is a link in this thread to the book "Ghost Symptoms." It deals with being haunted by a deceased family member, and may be helpful.

am-i-crossed,-jinxed,-hexed,-cursed-if- ... d297c4b66c

spiritforlove · Unread post by **spiritforlove** » Wed May 15, 2013 3:54 am

Thank you for the recommendations Mama Micki, I am waiting for the book to arrive and will place an order for the Tibetan Ghost Purging incense right away.

keylewm · Unread post by **keylewm** » Thu May 16, 2013 7:47 pm

My friends mother passed away almost 16 years ago. Since her death he has been afraid he would "forget her" almost to the point of obsession and every year around her death he gets very distant and very depressed about it. During a divination I learned that she has been the one holding onto him because he was "her little boy" , she liked it that way and she has no intention of that changing. She will not allow him to have a relationship because it would take away from her and has been the reason all of his relationships have failed since her death.

What could I do to help her cross over so he can move on with his life?

Unread post by **aura** » Fri May 17, 2013 3:43 am

Hi keylewm,

One of the AIRR workers who does Spirit work could coach you on the matter, the ones who do that kind of work can be found here: http://readersandrootworkers.org/wiki/C ... or_Clients

Unread post by **Leah Rivera** » Thu May 23, 2013 6:11 pm

I would begin with putting up an ancestor altar. There could be a lot more to the relationship, but only a divination would tell me. As general advice, a simple ancestor altar would allow the two of them to interact in a managable and controlled way.

Set out a simple white cloth, or doilie, and put a picture of his mother on the cloth. Take a white candle, and some offering of drink (whiskey, coffee, tea, or even water is fine).

Light the candle, and call her name, ask her to join you in love and kindness, so that she may speak to her son.

Ask him to simply listen to the sound of the candle flame, he may hear nothing, or he may feel her.

If after three attempts (no more then one a day) to make contact fails, use a railroad spike, or a hammer and knock three times on the surface that the altar is on.

Generally, i make ancestor altars this way:

I do not put this altar in a bedroom (although some people, like Miss cat, do so and find no problem with it).

I do not use a picture with living people (although some folks do, if they want the dead to protect the living).

I offer incense, candle or drink once a week.

Additionally, I have found that putting a doll, a nice one, on the space helps with the connection. Let them both speak thru this medium. Some people use a statue for this purpose.

This forum thread is on ancestror work:

Ancestors, The Dead, and the Graveyard Questions and Answers
ancestors,-the-dead,-and-the-graveyard- ... 15987.html

Leah of Earth and Spirit
(Formally Lara of Black Cat Root Shack)

mrslight · Unread post by **mrslight** » Wed May 29, 2013 4:00 pm

I recently had an on-air reading (Lucky Mojo Rootwork Hour) about my situation. I was told to set an ancestor altar for my boyfriend's ancestors and his living relatives. I also sat a sugar bowl on the altar dedicated to his mother who is protecting him from being "worked on".

I was also directed to place a picture of their home and a petition with his mom's name on it under a mirror and to speak directly to her through the mirror. I lit it and I spoke to her for about an hour very nicely and poured her tea and placed it on the altar.

Afterwards, I went to my boyfriends sugar bowl and mirror and spoke to him and poured him tea as well. A little while later, he was very short with me, not mean but short, for some reason I was very hurt by this and went all emotional on him. He stopped replying to the texts and I went to cry to his mom's altar about how I don't want to upset her son and how I want her to bless us with the same marriage she has with her husband. I also asked my grandparents to help as well. (Their picture is placed on his mom's altar along with mine and his pic together). Then I went to sleep.

When I woke up I heard a *pop* and a ching sound. I looked down and the candle holder had broken in the oddest way. A chunk was missing from the top.

My reading was well (before this) and the outcome of us being "closer" and getting "married" was good.

I don't know what broke the glass candle holder.

Should I remove my grandparents and mine and my boyfriend's pic from his mom and dad's altar?
Or is there something else?
Was me crying about the "text argument" upsetting my ancestors (grandfather), so he broke it?
Or was it my boyfriend being upset that broke it?

I'm confused about this. Any help would be appreciated thank you.

Unread post by **Joseph Magnuson** » Wed May 29, 2013 4:38 pm

mrslight: I loved hearing your reading on the show and am glad you have come to the forum for follow-ups and guidance. I will say that the majority of the time (and believe me, it happens on here A LOT) that a glass candle holder breaks it is that it is a glass candle holder. Many, many candle holders that are made out of glass will wear over time and then just break with repeated heatings. Some of the cheaper one will break almost immediately. My advice would be to replace the candle holder with a metal, tin, or brass holder. Also, you may look into getting a deeper reading on the situation, because a cracked candle holder is not a particularly good sign, even if it was from shoddy craftsmanship.

mrslight · Unread post by **mrslight** » Wed May 29, 2013 4:52 pm

Thank you soooo much

I loved calling. Everyone is so kind here and I really appreciate your reply.

mrslight · Unread post by **mrslight** » Wed May 29, 2013 5:48 pm

I just listened to a November recording of the lucky mojo rootwork hour and found out that I should never use glass candle holders lol. Just as you said they often crack. I feel so silly smh. Thank you for the info and thank goodness the recording of that show was still there about Improperly doing spell work.! It was all weird timing but I definitely know now to use metal.

Unread post by **Joseph Magnuson** » Wed May 29, 2013 6:04 pm

You are very welcome, mrslight. I agree that was pretty impressive timing for you to hear that particular thing come up in an old episode, as it is currently happening to you! Do not feel bad, it is a very common "mistake" around here. Clean up, get a new candle holder, and move ever onward and upward! Best of luck to you.

Unread post by **Mama Micki** » Wed May 29, 2013 9:43 pm

Here are some more tips on candle safety:

fire-safety-issues-with-candle-magic-t1 ... 09e2f9665d

mrslight · Unread post by **mrslight** » Thu May 30, 2013 6:55 am

Thank you all so much!

honeylove20 · Unread post by **honeylove20** » Tue Jun 04, 2013 4:34 pm

Is there a way to find out the names of my ancestry spirits the ones that is watching out for me and how can i honor them.

Unread post by **Joseph Magnuson** » Sun Jun 16, 2013 7:55 am

honeylove20: Do you mean friendly spirits or do you mean hard and fast traceable ancestors? I would look into talking to a genealogist to research your family tree so that you have information on as many people that can be traced.

rico69 · Unread post by **rico69** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 12:55 pm

I have looked in the forum and have not seen any discussion on the rules/practices in working with the graveyard spirits.

How do u pay or what is given to the spirit to work with you? I'm not sure if it is 9 pennies or is it 3 dimes and what other offerings are needed?

Is there a book available in how to work with graveyard spirits?

Unread post by **MissMichaele** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 2:16 pm

rico69 wrote:I have looked in the forum and have not seen any discussion on the rules/practices in working with the graveyard spirits.

Your query has been merged into the appreciate thread.

what is given to the spirit to work with you? I'm not sure if it is 9 pennies or is it 3 dimes and what other offerings are needed?

There's no single, canonical item or amount of its to pay the dead for their dirt. It depends on what you (or your teacher) were taught. Hoodoo is a form of folk-magic based in family and community traditions, not in hierarchical or clerical rule-sets.

Hope this helps,

Miss Michaele

rico69 · Unread post by **rico69** » Wed Jul 17, 2013 2:40 am

Is there a thread on working with the spirits from the Cementary or a book for purchase?

Unread post by **Papa Newt** » Wed Jul 17, 2013 5:57 am

rico69-
In addition to this thread, be sure to check out Ancestors, The Dead, And The Graveyard Questions And Answers. An excellent book, which you can find Here, is called Communing With The Spirits by Martin Coleman.

Magister9 · Unread post by **Magister9** » Fri Jul 19, 2013 12:42 pm

Hi to all,

Last week I was walking in a cimitery and I felt attract to walk to a really old grave of a girl, I put some flowers on it and quickly a strong energy came to me from the grave ....was to much strong that I went home and I did a purification bath.

But, I understood that the spirit of the girl was trying to talk me or just telling me that she is there for help me...

What I can give to the grave of that girl for help me to find a job? And a dead spirit can help me to find a job? Could I take some sand from the grave and use it in something?

Thank you for all your answers about it becase I don't have any ideas where to start working with spirits of deads...

Bye Magister9

Unread post by **ConjureMan** » Wed Jul 24, 2013 3:06 pm

If the spirit of the dead is willing to work with you, especially if they were a worker in the field that you are interested in then you can pay for their dirt and mix it with Attraction and Money Drawing powder to lay down at the job you'd like to get hired in.

Unread post by **DocMurphy** » Fri Jul 26, 2013 8:30 am

Hi All --

OK, I peroused the thread on ancestors, and haven't really seen this addressed, so I hope I can get some advice from you all.

I chose to open my relationship to my ancestors, and they are marching on in. I'm an eclectic Pagan, but my ancestors were Catholic, and boy, they are asking for holy water and rosaries and Saints and all sorts of things. And cigarettes. (That's Gramma.) It's been really interesting.

Here's my issue: I know eventually the right thing to do is invite my late mother onto the ancestor altar. She died just a few years ago. We hadn't spoken in 15 years (ok, actually, I ran and changed my address several times while she stalked me for 15 years.) She had mental illness and substance abuse issues that ruined our relationship years ago. She died unexpectedly of a drug overdose. So, the this-world issues are done... but...

In light of how long the animosity lasted between us, I'm a little nervous about inviting her onto the ancestor altar yet. How have any of you handled honoring ancestors when your relationship with them was toxic? I wondered if there was a way to gradually let a spirit in, or to set up boundaries or something, to make sure that this relationship can be a good one this time. I'm really in need of suggestions for this, product, method, readings, or otherwise.

Much obliged for your help,

Murphy
St. Paul, MN

Unread post by **aura** » Sat Jul 27, 2013 3:17 pm

Hi Murphy,

Very honestly, I'm not sure if inviting your late mother onto your altar eventually the right thing to do. People don't change because they're dead. If she was insufferable prior to death, she will remain it after death as well. If your Relationship was toxic before, there's no reason to think that it's gonna change. Do you really want a the spirit of someone you ran from for 15 years in your immediate environment? Particularly if she was stalking you?

If you eventually want to respect your late mother, you can protect yourself and then go to the boneyard and leave her flowers and keep her grave clean and well kept. And then cleanse the soles of your shoes with ammonia or turpentine as you leave to make sure she doesn't follow you home. But just because she's family doesn't mean you need to invite her into your house.

Just my 2c for what they're worth! No doubt others will also have some good advice for you.

Unread post by **DocMurphy** » Sat Jul 27, 2013 4:23 pm

Thanks much for the response, aura. I appreciate it.

It's funny... there are a lot of folks who say death makes people different and I've never been really sure of that; hearing this perspective helps me realize that hesitations I have aren't unreasonable. I appreciate the validation.

And, yeah, I certainly am interested in hearing lots of perspectives on this -- this is really a touchy one. I suspect it may end up being other ancestors advising on this one, huh?

A thought -- my mother's namesake saint was Michael. He was all over the house when I was growing up. Might he be a mediator/appropriate representative on the ancestor altar in a case like this? Protecting everybody? Just wonderin' out loud...

Thanks much again, aura, and to anyone else who chimes in. Much obliged.

Murphy
St. Paul, MN

Unread post by **Flora** » Sun Jul 28, 2013 3:49 pm

Dear Murphy,

I can totally understand wanting to have a clear picture of how to work with your mom. I have a very active spirit practice and work with all types of spirits. Those that are riddled with trauma and serious mental issues in life finally find peace in death and need the rest. It is like all of their suffering has ceased and they get a chase to finally rest and not be trapped in a body/mind that is counter to their desire. I would suggest that you go to your mother's grave and make a small hole in the dirt place your hand in the hole and tell your mom that you are extending your hand of peace to her. Let her know that she is at rest and you plan to let her get her rest. Then place a token of affection along with a piece lodestone on it. This will attract feeling of peace and love to your mom and let her only see that as a member of the lovely departed.

When you go home place a photo or some item of your mothers on your ancestor's altar. Spritz her stuff often with peace water so that is all that she seeks in the after life- peace.

I work with lots of families who have a loved one who committed suicide or died from trying to escape the torment of mental illness. They have had good success with helping their loved once stay at peace with the aforementioned method.

I wish you the best and I would like to hear how things turn out for you and you mom,

Flora

Unread post by **DocMurphy** » Sun Jul 28, 2013 4:56 pm

Thanks, Flora, also, for the advice. This really helps.

My mother did suffer a great deal; I have the perspective to know that. A good part of me thinks she's happier on the other side...I'm willing to admit that making sure things are peaceful and problem-free is also for me and my own peace of mind, too.

She's buried in another city far away, so visiting the site isn't an option, but the other suggestions, combined with aura's, really give me a good direction and set of steps to take. (Peace water in the next order, and ammonia standing by just in case.) I very much appreciate it.

I will indeed keep you all posted on how things go. If everyone's at peace, and things can stay released, that's really ideal in this matter...

Much obliged!

Murphy
St. Paul, MN

Unread post by **MissMichaele** » Mon Jul 29, 2013 10:07 am

Dear Murphy,

magicmurphy wrote:How have any of you handled honoring ancestors when your relationship with them was toxic?

I have two relatives in particular who are not welcome on my ancestor altar. I have never extended invitations or offerings to them, and don't foresee doing so any time soon.

Not everyone who donated genetic material to you gets to be a revered ancestor, because reasons.

Miss Michaele

Unread post by **DocMurphy** » Mon Jul 29, 2013 2:53 pm

Thanks, Miss Michaele, for this perspective. It really helps.

Murphy
St. Paul, MN

Unread post by **Miss Phoenix** » Mon Jul 29, 2013 3:06 pm

Hiya Murphy,

I totally agree with what has already been stated. I love what Miss Michaele wrote, "Not everyone who donated genetic material to you gets to be a revered ancestor..." Love this! On top of the amazing suggestions that you've already been given, I might add that perhaps seeking out a reader or medium who works with Spirits to help you find a third road for you connecting with your mother's spirit. Maybe having a mediator, so to speak, could help to make the process smoother. You mention that you are Pagan, so perhaps doing work closer to Samhain when the veils are thin and a visit is possible without a serious commitment to keeping that energy around?

I look forward to hearing how you end up working with this situation.

Blessings,
Miss. Phoenix

Unread post by **DocMurphy** » Tue Jul 30, 2013 11:46 am

Thanks, too, Miss Phoenix.

This has all been so helpful. Not only knowing that I don't need to invite trouble back into my life, but hearing from so many of you ways to make peace, set up boundaries, and to choose whether to connect again or just let things rest. It settles my heart.

I will be doing some musing as Samhain/All Saints/All Souls's Night grows near, and I will keep you all posted.

I happened to have been burning a Vigil Candle for Our Lady of Perpetual Help when I got word that my mother died; I think she was helping both of us. I just got an amulet necklace of OLPH recently, and am putting it on my ancestor altar. That my end up being as far as her presence goes. We'll see.

Thanks s much, everyone.

Murphy
St. Paul, MN

Wren · Unread post by **Wren** » Sat Aug 24, 2013 9:40 am

I have some questions about working with the ancestors and I’m hoping someone here can help me out. I come from a very dysfunctional, fragmented family. Because of long-standing feuds and my parents’ refusal to talk about any it, I feel very ‘rootless’ for lack of a better word. Now, even what family I have is beginning to shrink—my mother died last October, and now my father has been diagnosed with lung cancer and his days may be numbered as well.

Perhaps because of this rootless feeling, I’ve been feeling very strongly lately the urge to construct a space for my ancestors, and I will do so. I have only a handful of photographs of ancestors, no graveyard dirt (I don’t even know where any of them are buried!), and one ancestor I have a picture of I don’t even know her name or what her exact relationship to me is. And of course there are others I know of, but have nothing of them, for example, a Native American woman who I know is an ancestor. I DO have one great-grandmother that I was blessed to know in life when I was very small, and I even have some very good memories of her, and I own a few small items that had belonged to her.

I had the thought to create the space and establish a relationship with my ancestors, known and unknown, and then once a relationship was established, ask them to help me find a suitable mate and hopefully perpetuate the family line (I’m the last one of my family that I know of). Please don’t misunderstand—I am not trying to just ‘use’ my ancestors to help find a husband, but I am intending to continue the relationship with them even if they refuse to help with my love life. Then it occurred to me that from what I do know of these people, none of them had very happy married lives! Would it be wise, then, to ask for their help in matters of the heart? Anyone have any opinions on any of this?

Unread post by **Miss Aida** » Sat Aug 24, 2013 6:58 pm

Good Evening, Wren,
There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking them to help you in these matters. You're the last of the bloodlines, and your feelings of building an ancestral altar may have been them trying to communicate the fact that they want their bloodline to continue. Because of their unhappy marriages, they will probably help you more so in having what they could not attain.
As far as not knowing who they are and others being dysfunctional is not a deterrent in building an altar for them. They all enjoy attention, prayer, candles, etc. And will be grateful that you're doing this.
When you talk to them, state the names of those that you know the names. Then add verbiage such as: "..and my grandmother, my grandfather, all my uncles, all my aunts, and all my beloved ancestors". If you keep this up, names will slowly (but eventually) be disclosed to you. It may appear to be by coincidence but, there's no such thing as a coincidence! It'll take time but it will happen.
My only advice to you is that you do not start out by immediate asking them for help. If this were me, I would build the altar, pray for them, give offerings, talk to them as if they were alive. Tell them the gossip in your life, etc. In other words, let them be a part of your life. Then, after you feel that they are around and happy with what you're doing for them, start asking for their help.
I hope this helps you. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask us. We are here for you!
Good luck with this.

Unread post by **Colette** » Sun Aug 25, 2013 4:03 am

@Wren - I'd share my experience here in case it might be of some use to you.

I'm Chinese and ancestral worship is very common in my culture. Somehow I didn't get around to it (except occasional tribute to the family ancestral altar at my grandparents' home) for the longest time... just because I wasn't paying attention. When I started practicing magic seriously, it coincided with a time when drastic changes were happening in both my family and my personal life - someone had died, a couple others were dying, I'd moved house (involuntarily) and was having a hard time in my professional life. I worked with a couple on a regular basis and one of them said there was a woman - my blood ties - looking for me.

I still didn't get around to it until the deities I worked with started to "kick" me, and there were all sorts of funny signs (i.e. bumps) in my spiritual work. Finally I went to my family and asked all the questions I could think of... and tracked down two great-grandparents, the only ones I could get hold of. I asked Dr Johannes to take a look and yes, it was them, and there were quite a few things they wanted to tell me and help me out with. Like Miss Aida suggested, I started talking to them about everything to make them a part of my life. Whatever they could help me with, they would do it. My great-grandmother, in particular, was very keen on me getting married. I give them offerings regularly and on special occasions.

You said your family has more or less dwindled and you can't find much info. Try again. Then consult an AIRR worker who could teach you how to establish your ancestral altar with what you have on hand, or even talk to your ancestors on your behalf. Don't assume they will "refuse" to help you with anything or that you're "using" them for anything. The dead may have their prejudices/opinions, or they may not be able to do certain things for you, but you can always talk to them. It's a relationship, not unlike the ones you establish in your daily life. Something may give. Something may not.

Unread post by **Miss Phoenix** » Mon Aug 26, 2013 8:22 am

Hi Wren, there are also some mundane approaches to this quest. You can do genealogy research and find out a lot of information on your ancestors. (Ancestry.com is the website that I used.) With just a few names it is amazing what you can uncover. When I started my ancestor tracking I found a whole clan of Scottish people that I didn't even realize that I was connected to. No one in my family had ever mentioned Scottish ancestry, but my grandmother's maiden name is from a prominent Scottish clan. This knowledge has helped to shape my ancestor altar and how I honor my bloodline. Not only is this important information, but its fun to learn about.

Best of luck!

Aphrodite_Moon · Unread post by **Aphrodite_Moon** » Wed Aug 28, 2013 6:10 pm

G'day, I'm not sure where to post this, I hope I've posted it in the correct forum.

I wish to contact my dad and his parents. I didn't have a very close relationship with him, he had an alcohol problem when I was growing up, but managed to find help. He worked very hard & seemed to favour my sister. I never met his parents, they were born in the 1890's, I was born in 1968 and died when I was only a baby. My mother found her mother-in-law (my paternal grandmother) very helpful with regards to child minding when my brother & sister were small. My mother's own parents were cold & I feel that my mother never really got over the treatment she received from them. I'd like to make peace with them and I'm begging for some guidance to assist me on my path.

How's the best way to do this?