Emotional Pisces Momma- LA (who writes a damn lot!!!)

[LA3700]

Hello! My name is Leigh (actually, Leigh is followed by a dash and an A name, but for the sake of not popping up in any search, that my narcissist ex husband would do, to try to find ammo to use against me, I am keeping it Leigh or LA on here).

My Astrology signs: Sun- Pisces, Moon- Scorpio, Rising- Virgo, Ascendant- Aquarius

I have been listening to Lucky Mojo Rootwork Hour since October 2017... so not that long.
I am a 38 y/o momma of 2... a tween *Leo daughter and a 3 y/o Cancer boy. I have a fiancé, whom I met in Alcoholics Anonymous 2011. (3 yrs sober May 27)

* (My Leo daughter is not al all your typical Leo! She is shy, anxious, kind of introverted, and has ADHD. Basically, exactly like me. See below to understand trauma we have been through....)

In high school, and after- I had some random magic books, runes, and studied a lot of (not super deep) Astrology stuff. I loved studying books like the Tao Te Ching, Bhagavad Gita, The Qu’ran, The Essential Rumi, Astrology, Yoga, Kundalini Yoga, Meditation, etc... I had beautiful, ornate African Masks, a couple African Statues, Tapestries, etc...

Due to my lovely sociopathic ex husband, out of all of my belongings related to other Cultures, religions, etc.. I was forced to get rid of all it! My Bibles, The Way of the Pilgrim, and anything else “Baptist Approved”, was all I was allowed to keep.
This had NOTHING to do with religious beliefs! This was purely a tactic to let me know that he was in control, and probably didn’t want me doing anything that could help to expand my mind... or be a free thinker.

I believe he is a covert Narcissist. Basically, very toxic- very manipulative, mentally abusive, physically abusive, yet able to charm everyone enough to make me seem like the crazy one... who imagines stuff like, getting backhanded across the face.

I left him in 2011, but unfortunately he still haunts me today... and loves to control me.
Google: “Legal Abuse Syndrome” and “Narcissists in custody battles”.... and you will understand my life! Haha....
He has plenty of money, so court (or mediation) battles are his favorite pastime!!
This includes recording phone conversations, emails, etc... between she and I... which is a federal felony! Just sayin..... no chance of proving that though!

But, I am a strong person... sometimes. I’m very observant, have pretty good intuition when reading others thoughts, intentions and motives. I don’t always trust it, but I am learning to.
Anyway, I feel that this and my Pisces/Scorpio nature served me well, in surviving that relationship. I was clever and learned to use his tactics against him... manipulating him and situations, so that he would think that I was minding his orders.

So, anyway... I am here to learn. I want to better mine and my loved ones lives. I want to overcome this past trauma, become financially stable (which means hotfooting him the hell away, or something!!!), stop falling into depression and anxiety because life is so hard,... etc...
I am determined though. I know I am strong and I will walk through hell and find my way back, if I have to,... to protect my children!! And family!

I will go further back here, and touch on one event that had the biggest impact in affecting my life, growing up....
I lost my dad in 95, when I was 15. He was using coke, an alcoholic, abusive to my mom (mentally mostly, physically once or twice), was cheating on my mom and then filed for divorce on Valentines of 95. It was finalized in Oct of 95, and very quickly followed by news that he was in a motorcycle accident- which left him brain dead, and his body followed within hours. So,... needless to say, at 15 years of age, having gone through this hell he was putting our family through, followed by his death, I was left a confused, rebellious, pissed off, depressed teen who didn’t stand much of a chance in fighting the addiction that ran in my family.

I have talked to Cat recently, regarding another situation I am going through,... R/T addiction. She advised I come to the forums and CSL. I am so ADHD.... all over the place- my mind is like an Olympic sprinter, going in a million directions at once. And with life serving me up a big ole piece of Difficulty-Pie, iced with plenty of heartache, I am just now getting to that. Simple tasks can take me a while!

Sorry that was so long. I’m an open book I guess... wear my heart on my sleeve. I hope that in sharing about my life, I can get some of that shit out and maybe someone will understand me and be able to help me. Or hell,... I just always write a lot! See y’all around the forums!

[Sister Jean]

Hello LA3700,

Welcome to the Lucky Mojo forum and thank you for sharing your moving story! We're very happy to have you hear and hope you find the forum useful.

I am posting the most popular threads and some forum rules for you to look over.
And we are looking forward to seeing you on the forum.
If you ever have any questions, we are ALWAYS here for you.
Enjoy!!

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[LA3700]

Hi! Thank you Sister Jean, for all the info! I apologize for my most recent post, about burning poisonous hemlock,... because I may have started a new topic. I believe it was moved though, so I am sorry to whomever I inconvenienced!!
I had not realized you had sent me this info but I have read it and will do my best to heed the instruction. I am kind of an impulsive person at times, so when I discovered I might have burning a poisonous substance... i freaked out, saw the “New Topic” button and pressed away!

[Sister Jean]

Hello LA3700,

No worries at all; the forum takes a bit to get used to. And now you know!

Take care.