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by Brida » Sat Sep 05, 2009 2:13 pm
Mary did give a great answer, and Mimiso gave a very insightful one. Mimiso is right. In Islam it is common thought that "The heavens lay at the feet of mothers." The mother comes first in a man's life until she passes, then it becomes his children..."wife on the pedestal' is not something that usually happens until late in their 60's and so on. I speak from experience when I say that a man's faith in Islam ususally goes in waves. There are times in which practicing is not so much center of attention, and then there are tidal waves (Esp. after children are born) where all of a sudden the beard starts to grow out, and constant demands of being a good mother according to his views becomes the issues in and out of the bedroom. I am so sorry you are going through what you are going through.
Mimiso is right, there are MANY men out there who have a lot of love to give. Use magic for the good of you, and all. If you use magic to tie a toxic love to yourself, then wouldn't that be considered self-destructive? I really believe that all people deserve to be with whom they love, but more importantly they deserve to be with one whom loves them more than they love themself. Esp. women. In general, it is women who break their hearts over the affection of a man. It is seldom that you see men breaking their hearts to get even the slightest attention of a woman. I am not saying there are not any really loving men out there, but in the Muslim world...let's just say, the majority of them will go back to home basics when it all boils down to what they want, and how they want to live their lives.
I was married to a Muslim man, who loved an American woman. After three years of marriage, the universe directed me in finding out that he loves this woman, and has loved her for many years before I ever came in to the picture. Btw, I am American, too, but by naturalization. He was with this woman for years before he came around my family asking for my hand. One thing that was great about our marriage, even though we both did not love each other was that we always had open and honest communication. I asked him why he married me. He told me that I was the most beautiful woman he ever saw, and that his family loved me dearly. I asked him if he loved "her." He said, "Yes, but I can't have children with her. She is not Muslim, and she will not be able to raise a family like you will." So, to make a long story short...I sat this woman down, and asked her about her true feelings for him, then I asked her if she really would sacrafice her thoughts, ideas on life, and lifestyle to be with him. Her answer was "Yes." So, I divorced him on the condition that the two of them get married, regardless of what his family says. They did get married, they have three beautiful children, and he is happy. She is sadly, not. Nevertheless, she is a mother now, and she has to think of her kids. I still speak to her, and offer her as much support as possible because I know his family well. The family has come around a bit in being really good to her, they are nice people. Though, tradition is tradition, and in time it can become a part of the nature of a person.
I am sorry this is such a long post. I just feel for you. I care for you as a woman, and I think you should be happy always; not just for a little while. Listen to the Universe, it does speak to us through magic. The Universe never fails to tell us what we need to know, and with all it's wisdom, the Universe tells us what we should hear, and not always what we want to hear.
Again, you are in my prayers.
hugs,
Brida
"You can't fish on dry land." - My Momma.