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by Nike » Tue Aug 07, 2018 1:35 am
Hi im Nike and from the UK
Im new at posting, but have been browsing this site for months now.
I have a situation with a family member. Hopefully i can explain easily, as this has been going on for years.
My grandmother (i've never called her gran, its always mum, but for the post i will, as it won't confuse anyone) was diagnosed with dementia a couple years back and we we all agreed to look after my gran at home, as a family (with my aunt's insistence that we do so), even though the doctors and other professionals said that she needs 24 hour care. i was quite naive to this illness. i told my aunt after that meeting with the doctors that i will help and look after her, but if it gets worse that i would make my decision for the option of a nursing home.
Me, my mum and my aunt looked after her for a year. i couldn't come every day. i have children and was working, the same with my aunt and my mum went through a mental break down twice in her life, so as time went on, i saw this as not plausible. My gran on numerous occasions has gone outside and wandered the streets and if it was not for police finding her first, i don't know what would have happened. My gran couldn't cook for herself, take care of her own needs in any way. We did have a carer that would come in three times a day, but only for 45 minutes each time to give her her medicine, wash her, and give her food. On numerous occasions there was no food in the fridge to give my gran, so i would go and buy and prepare food for her. This was not a problem at first, however, when you have lack of money, it starts to become a problem, and i had younger kids at the time whom i had to support as well.
i rang my aunt one day and told her there was no food in the fridge and i asked where was my gran's bank card. she turned on me and was arguing with me and saying how comes i want to know how much is in my gran's bank account. never said that at all. i asked her how much pension she gets cause i can't understand how there is no food in the fridge. At one point, me and my mum asked my aunt who has my gran's bank card, and my aunt said my grandad has, but my grandad said my aunt has it. My aunt switches on you to make it look like you're asking for other reasons, like i'm a money grabber, but food and bills need to be paid for. so i never asked again, until it was becoming too much for me to afford.
My mum got a phone call one night from a tenant living in my grandparent's house that she had found my gran on her bedroom floor, with a cut on her head. it looked like she had banged her head of her dressing room table and was unconscious. i told her to call an ambulance. i knew that this couldn't carry on. we all had a meeting at the hospital and me and my mum said that she needs to be cared for properly at a nursing home.
my aunt didn't agree. when the meeting had finished, my aunt was arguing with me and chasing me down the stairs and she told me i hope you get in a car crash and die. i did have an accident 2 years after, however she was in the car with me.
I couldn't see my gran living long if she stayed at home, but she could if she was in a nursing home, where she was cared for around the clock.
My grandad now has dementia and he is at home, but he is bed ridden now. My aunt has a lot of control. she has locked all the doors in the house. in a way not a problem as there is a tenant in the house, but she won't give my mum the keys so she can get copies. my grandad is a hoarder and you cant move around in the room at all and everything is all over the place, so i collect boxes to help with that, but she wont give the keys.
she wont give one of my grandads bills as proof, so i can get cheaper parking, so i can stay longer to help. the first time i asked for the bill she said she needed to pay it then i could have and when i come to get it, it was ripped up.
my gran and grandad were very private people, especially when it came to finances. my grandad wont even speak about it, even when his social worker asked. me nad my mum found out at a meeting that my aunt shares a bank account with both my grandparents.
me and my mum new that this was all about money and from her previous history, i dont know why i did not see this before. she is speaking to members of the family (who dont live in this country) saying that we are not helping, but she is trying to block us out. i'm stressed from this situation, badly. i dont know what to do to make it right for my grandparents.
what i want, is something to expose my aunt, for the truth to come out to all and what she is up to, as she is lying. i am no good at carrying things on me, so a spell that can be deployed after use, would be great.
would a vinegar jar help in this situation?
any suggestions would be great.
thank you
